As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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