I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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