She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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