Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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