The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize