I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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