His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dicks are not precious.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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