i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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