well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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