I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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