I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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