So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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