dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize