i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We talked him into tasing himself.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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