I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize