I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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