if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize