Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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