I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize