looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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