Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize