Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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