maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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