i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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