I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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