tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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