The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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