omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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