Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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