he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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