ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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