I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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