I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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