Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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