there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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