Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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