i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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