yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize