She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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