I hate your face
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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