NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize