Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize