My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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