He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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