Barsexuality is the new black.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize