my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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