No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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