Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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