just tell him i said nine months
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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