is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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